tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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