im six kinds of drunk right now
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
