fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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