me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
