Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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