...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
