They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
