the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
