so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
