you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
