My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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