Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
