I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
