pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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