I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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