i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
