This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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