She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
