i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think your dad took our porno
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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