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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."