i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!