How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
what day is it and did you see me today?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex