Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
