we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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