I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
