We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
