I cannot find my penis.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
