You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
