I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
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Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
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Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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