you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
