found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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