I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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