just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
