I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize