How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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