Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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