I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Watching her eat just hurts me
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
