end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
