She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
