I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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