Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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