just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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