I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
