He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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