that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
