i was born a porn star she said
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
