I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
