i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
