If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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