I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
