Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
