please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
