oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
