New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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