roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
