I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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