when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
