All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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