maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
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Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
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Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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