A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
